My children are my life as I am sure most parents are the same about their children. Right!
But sometimes parenting is really hard and trying and just takes it out of you. My oldest son has done just that. Lately he has had the worst attitude I have ever seen out of a child and I just don’t know what to do. Before I go on a little back story.
He always seems to have a worse attitude when he is playing outside with all the neighborhood children. Anyways he just got off being grounded for a month and now after being allowed to play again (outside) his attitude has slowly plummeted. He is rude, throws fits, screams, slams doors and anything else you can think of. It’s so unlike him to be this bad.
Yesterday he got grounded (it’s spring break) for the day and I gave him a warning that if he did anything again (being mean to his siblings and back talking me) he would be grounded again. So today we were going to go to the local family center for their spring break activities when all the sudden my daughter comes in screaming and crying that he hit her. Well he said she hit him first and yesterday I told him I know it makes you mad when they do things to you, but you have to tell me or dad and let us take care of it you are not allowed to hit back. So in being mad today he retaliated and hit her back.
So i calmly told him to remember our conversation from yesterday and remember what was now going to happen that he would have to stay inside for the day. He then went on to scream “I hate you” slamming his door and then kicking it several times and then opening it and yelling at his sister to come here so he could hurt her. Now I know he won’t but still this anger is getting to be too much for me to deal with.
I don’t know how to handle this and what to do. I just broke down into tears and begged and pleaded in prayer that I would have the wisdom how to handle this situation. If something is going on that is making him like this how can I get him to talk to me about it?
So please if you have any opinions at all on what I should do please let me know, I just can’t do this everyday and that is what it is becoming. Do I need to have him talk to a professional? Do I need to just never let him go outside again since that seems to be the trigger, if I knew exactly what triggered it out there I would deal with it but he won’t talk to me.
I am, for the first time as a parent, at a loss on what to do and that makes me feel like I have screwed up somewhere or didn’t do something right. I feel like I have done a bad job somewhere and now I question how to fix it to make sure the other 2 don’t go through this. I mean is it just a phase or something more.
Again any advice thoughts would be appreciated. Please excuse me while I go cry for the upteenth time today.
Toni Patton
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My oldest daughter is the same way. Well so is my middle one, the son. When they get a little freedom, they take it for granted and act a little out of place. I’m not really sure why they do it. I’ve just kept on and kept on them. It’s getting a little better but their tempers sure can flare. One thing I have noticed helped is channeling the anger creatively into something like they like. I’ve also had to spend one on one time with them because they all seem to feel like they get lost in the crowd. Good luck and I’m going to be pulling my hair out along with you!
You didn’t screw up!
Funny story (just to prove a point)
When my nephew was little my Twin sister caught him picking his nose.. she was HORRIFIED and wanted to know how “TAUGHT” him how to pick his nose! hardy har har!
I said if there is something up there kids are gonna pick there nose…. it is something they “JUST DO!”
Your kid is doing something kids just do!
That being said…. you have to find a way to break his WILL without breaking his spirit! It is YOUR WAY, NOT HIS! YOUR Rules, NOT HIS. He has to respect YOUR Authority! YUP, it’ll make ya tear your hair out, BUY a wig! hahahha Just kidding. Just enforce what you say and BACK UP your words with actions (grounding, etc!) Good luck!)
Leslie
LeslieVeg@msn.com
http://leslielovesveggies.blogspot.com/
we have been dealing with the same issues. we have had to call behavior management in. I have found it to be an awesome experince for us. We have implemented 5 rules that they must follow for each rule there is a different consqeuence. For us back talk is having to wash walls… for phyical violence they have to sit in time out and when they are done they have to go and do some time of community service.Rake leaves, help someone out, what ever it is to help someone out… they also have a point system teh rules are in the points, they have chores each chore has points, Now my kids are 3 and 5, then there is what will cause a loss of points. Each day they have an oppertunity to earn 100+ points. If they do at the end of the week they get to do something specail we work for movie nights. I went to walmart got an air popper, the kernals, and some seasonings spent 25 bucks. this has come in handy. It could be anything I would be more than willing to mail you a copy of the material that i have gotten. Hang in there..
OH, that must be rough. My guy is only 4 but has a horrible attitude/temper as well. I’m still learning as we go what triggers and what doesn’t.
If being outdoors triggers such anger, could it be environmental? Pollen, Dust, exhaust ect?
Hugs, I hope it’s just a phase, and it’s over quick for you…stay consistant with him.
~Jen
Ummm, I’m still trying to figure all this out myself.
I have a 14-year-old daughter who is devil’s spawn I’m sure, but can also be the most loving and wonderful child on earth.
I find it very difficult to be calm through it all, and I get very emotional.
I hear from friends who’ve been through it that this is all normal stuff, and they know not what they do.
Sorry I can’t help, but I sure can feel for you.
I wish I had some advice for you… I hope his attitude improves. ((HUGS))
So I totally sympathize… my middle is the same (ADHD though so its worse) and now 7 yr old thinks he can get away with being mouthy cuz his sister is… its a daily struggle. They also bicker and fight all the time. We just find trying to be consistant with out discipline is really the only thing that works… oh and taking away certain things like their tv time! Good luck.. I am right here with ya!
I am not a parent, but I was a child once . . .
I went through a very “bad” time when I was young. For me, it was totally something going on and no one thought to ask. Instead, I just got in trouble in school and at home. I would say, before getting a professional, sit down one on one and talk to him. Maybe go on a date with yor son. Make the day about him alone. When I was acting up, what I would have wanted is for adult to care and sit down and say, “Is there anything you want to talk about? You know there is nothing you can’t tell me. Anything at all. I love you and want you happy.” etc. etc. etc.
Hope this helps.
I have 4 kids, all teenagers now. None have been grounded or done anything to be grounded (so far!). I remember growing up being grounded a lot! The more I was grounded, the angrier I became and my attitude and respect for my mom went down the tubes. I vowed not to do that to my kids. I encourage them to feel what they are feeling (anger, frustration, etc.)- sounds sappy, I know – but they are not allowed to take it out on anyone else. I basically talk them to death about what’s going on with them and the most productive way that they can deal with it. Just like us adults, they need to be heard and have someone sympathize with them and that’s half the battle in diffusing a difficult situation. Just my thought! All the best to you – I’m sure you have great kids!
Be firm and consistent. It is good that you explain to him what the the expected behaviors should be. Then, somewhere along the line, he’ll have that “ah-ha” moment and remember what you’ve asked him to do(after the thousandth time, of course.) Instead of punching Billy from down the street in the face, he’ll come and tell you that Billy took his ice cream. 🙂 And through prayer, you’ll ALWAYS find answers. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Good luck!
My son’s still an infant so I haven’t been in that position before, but it sounds like you’re talking to him about his behavior, why it’s inappropriate and why he feels the need to do it still, etc. which is the first thing that I’d think of.
Everything I’ve read (I know, reading about parenting is silly – you can’t really know until you experience but sometimes it helps :P) talks about how kids act out like this because they’re frusterated – they don’t know how else to express themselves. Maybe he’s looking for attention from you or maybe he’s shy and uncomfortable and taking it out on his sister?
I would also recommend diverting his attention and energy when he gets in those moods. Lots of active sports or things to tire him out.
I hope something helps! I’m so nervous to reach that age, where my child will need more from me than just a bottle and a game of peek-a-boo 😛
I don’t pretend to know everything about your situation, and my oldest is 5. It sounds to me like he’s frustrated about something. I know that doesn’t help. Being consistent and following through, like you’re already doing, is so important. Have you read the book 1,2,3 Magic? It’s a parenting book, and I believe it carries through until the teens.
Good luck. {hugs}
I know when Will misbehaves it is pay back let’s just say I had my moments esp as a teenager my poor mother