Forgiveness: It’s Not for Them, It’s for You!


People hurt us, whether they hurt us intentionally or unintentionally, it’s a fact in our lives we will be hurt. Last year I was very hurt by people I considered friends, and it made me very angry and bitter. I was watching War Room, yesterday, and while I thought I had moved past the hurts caused by those people, I realized I hadn’t.

Deep down I hadn’t completely forgiven the people because anytime I thought of them I would get angry. During the movie, there was a gentle nudge from God saying, “Are you ready to forgive them so that you can move forward.” At that moment, I realized a phrase I had seen before was so spot on, “Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their actions, Forgiveness prevents their actions from destroying your heart.

Whoa, talk about an epiphany. Not that I didn’t already know that, but for some reason, in this situation, it was a hard thing for me to remember. I guess it was because it was people I respected and cared about, the hurt was so deep and I just let it fester instead of giving it to God.

It was at that moment, of realization, I stopped, broke down in tears and asked God to help me truly forgive them, not just say the words. I also asked God to forgive me for my bitterness and anger. You see, that’s one of Satan’s biggest ways to keep us from the plan God has for our lives. Unforgiveness toward others, because if we can’t forgive others how can we expect God to forgive us and, in turn, how can we expect him to bless us and lead us.

In Matthew 6:14-15 (The Message Bible) it says, “In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part.” 

I’m sorry, what? We are cut off from God’s part!! I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be cut off from anything that has to do with God. God wants us to forgive because he gave his son so that we could be forgiven ourselves! Forgiveness isn’t for benefit of the ones who hurt you; it’s to benefit you. So, not only are you keeping your heart free from bitterness, anger, and whatever other “uglies” come along with unforgiveness, you are also allowing God to fill you with joy, love, and all the “pretties” that come along with forgiveness.

Did I have a right to be hurt? Well, yes, because I have feelings. But, I didn’t have a right to stay angry and be unforgiving. How many times each day do we hurt God by sinning? Yet he loves us so much that He forgives us every time, once we have accepted his son as Lord and Saviour. Some people think it’s weak to forgive, I beg to differ. I think it takes a stronger person to forgive and move on, because when you can be the bigger person and forgive, you are showing the world the beauty you have on the inside.

So, to those who hurt me, who gossipped about me, who twisted my words, who judged me and attacked me for my beliefs, I forgive you. I love you and  I pray blessings and favor over your life. I hope you get every bit of happiness you hope for in life. To those who have been attacked and are holding onto the hurt to protect yourself, let me be the first to tell you to ask God to help you forgive those who hurt you. Holding onto your pain is only hurting you and holding you back from the calling God has on your life. We can’t move forward if we are holding onto the past, and being angry and bitter toward someone who as hurt you in the past is doing just that.

Forgiveness, it’s not for them, it’s for you! Who do you need to forgive today?

Feel free to contact me if you have any prayer requests or if you just need to talk to someone that knows how you feel, because I have been there. I pray blessings over each of my readers, and I hope today is a day full of God’s favor!

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Toni is a professional lifestyle blogger living on the sunny Florida Gulf Coast. She has a passion for Disney, Travel, Fashion, Cooking, Tech, Family Fun Ideas, Reviews, Giveaways and loves being able to share that with her readers!

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  1. 1

    Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you know that the person or people you are forgiving aren’t sorry for what they said/did. But you are exactly right, holding onto that anger and bitterness doesn’t hurt them, it hurts you. This has been one of the biggest lessons I have learned in life and I am still learning each day. It’s so hard to forgive but when Jesus died on the cross and said to God “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do” it puts things in a new perspective. When I think about that it’s easier for me to move past the hurt that others have caused me. But it’s human to feel the way you do Toni, we all do and I am so proud of you! You’re a great person, friend, christian and you should never change for anyone.

    • 2

      Thanks Mellisa. It’s not easy and it’s going to be an ongoing thing because I am human and the hurt will try to rise up but thankfully my God is bigger than any hurt and he will help me even if I have to say it 1000 times before it really sets in.

  2. 3

    Very wise words. Great read and even better reminder!

  3. 5
    Robin (Masshole Mommy)

    Forgiving is such a hard thing for me. I am the person that holds a grudge for LIFE against anyone that hurts me. I have so much trouble letting stuff go.

  4. 6

    I’m not a religious person at all, but I good try to live by good values. My brother was cuckolded last summer, and I haven’t forgiven his estranged wife because she is still making bad choices and damaging the family. It will take a while for me to even be able to see the end of the tunnel.

  5. 7

    Our pastor did a sermon on forgiveness a few weeks ago and it it was one of those sermons that totally just hit me between the eyes. I have been praying that the Lord will help me with the people that I need to forgive in order to move on with my life. Such a great message, that gives me so much hope for my future.

  6. 8

    This is a great post. People have a hard time forgiving, because we feel like we’re letting the other person off. Really, we’re just unburdening ourselves.

  7. 9

    I love this so much. It’s important to remember that forgiveness is for yourself, not for the person who wronged you.

  8. 10

    I really believe this about forgiveness. I also think just because you forgive someone does not mean you have to invite them to your next cocktail party. All relationships are not meant to flower in the sun.

  9. 11

    Thanks for the great reminder. Forgiveness is sometimes really hard to do but it’s crucial for healing.

  10. 12

    Forgiveness is TOUGH. 25 years of marriage I’ve learned how to forgive both myself (sometimes the hardest) and my spouse. It, sometimes, takes a lot of years, but once I learned to forgive (& forget) I became a LOT happier.

  11. 13

    This is a good day because I have no one to forgive. I’m trying to focus on the good that happens in my life each day. While reading your article, I did stop and ask Him to keep my faith strong so I don’t regress to being angry over past hurts and snubs. I think sometimes people aren’t aware they are doing damage to others. My dad used to call it “talking just to be talking”.

  12. 14

    Sometimes we think it’s just easier to stay angry for awhile. This is not the case. Once we forgive, life is so much easier. And we are growing in our relationship with God as well. Great post

  13. 15

    There is power in forgiveness. Power in healing.

  14. 16

    I know forgiveness is the hardest thing especially when someone has blatantly did you wrong and has no remorse for you. Forgiveness is not for them its always for you…so you can release and let go. That person has the bitterness if they don’t accept.

  15. 17

    I don’t tend to hold onto grudges because they just aren’t worth the drama or stress they bring into my life. Forgiveness is challenging, but the alternative is worse.

  16. 18

    I think the most important thing I learned about forgiveness is that it doesn’t have to mean continuing to allow that same behavior to happen. I can forgive, but not deal with those same people who continue their same behaviors.

  17. 19

    I’m not a big forgiver. I usually have good reasons, and just move on with my life. Life is way too short, but it’s also too short to allow people into your life that really shouldnt be there either.

  18. 20

    This is a good post. It really is important to forgive, and I agree with everything you said to back it up.

  19. 21

    It’s tough to forgive, period. I’m so stubborn and strong willed, and it feels weak sometimes to break down and forgive. Great reminders

  20. 22

    H ow empowering it is to forgive, but how hard it is to do it. I loved this post and its message.

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