Today I’m Simply Drained

ThinkingIf you aren’t friends with me on facebook then this will be all new to you. If you are then you probably have an idea with where I am going.  This will be a long post…

Yesterday morning I was up and ecstatic having a good day, counting down to my ten year anniversary (this coming Friday). My oldest son was coming home after being gone for a few days on a trip with his grandparents. I was just happy and in a great mood. I was ready to take on this new week. Then my husband called, which is nothing out of the ordinary. We talk several times each day so I picked up the phone and just began gabbing away as always. You see I am usually the one who has more to say, so when I stopped to let him say a few words I could hear something off in his voice.

At first all I heard was “My grandpa” and my heart dropped. I knew this was not good news and I could hear how shaken up he was. I didn’t understand what he said so I asked him to repeat what he said…..”My dad had a heart attack”. Everything stopped in that moment and I wanted to rewind everything for him so he would not have to experience the pain I could so vehemently hear in his voice. After making sure he was as calm as one could be I let him go so he could focus on getting home.

When I hung up the phone I cried. I cried out of worry for his dad, I cried out of pain for my husband. I wondered what would happen, how his dad was, what this would mean. I waited for him to get home so I could hold his hand as we found out what we could and stayed on top of his dads situation. It was a long day, a lot of tears but here is what we know as of this morning

His dad started having heart attack symptoms while teaching his class and was able to let his boss know. His boss then was able to get him to the local small hospital. From there they were going to life flight him to the big hospital, where he was better able to be treated. He was coherent and they did have to sedate hime for the flight. That is all we knew for the longest time and it gave us hope that it wasn’t as bad as we were thinking. We had to wait for him to make it to the big hospital and the cardiologist to see him before we would know all the details.

At that point we booked my husband a ticket to Utah, where he would meet up with his dads girlfriend who went up yesterday. Then late last night we got the bigger picture. When my husband talked to the cardiologist we found out it was much worse than we thought. When he went to the small hospital they used a clot buster and the pain got worse. At that point he went into full cardiac arrest he was resuscitated within a minute. they went in through the groin to check the area and found that he had what Bill Russert died from called “Widow’s Wall” the left anterior had blockage which is the side that controls 70% of your blood flow. At the big hospital, they did have to open his chest up and put 2 stints in and afterwards he was okay but his heart was pumping at a decreased rate. Then they put in a balloon pump at that point he had a large heart attack and a second cardiac arrest and they had to use the paddles to bring him back. He has been coherent and answering questions which is the silver lining but the situation is very serious.

I can’t begin to tell you all the emotions I felt yesterday. It went a little something like this. Crying because I was so worried for his dad, he is just 52 this isn’t supposed to happen to someone who is young and healthy like him. Worry for his dad, what would this mean long term. Crying as I think of my husband and kids and their risks (his grandpa had one at 62, now his dad ay 52, what does that mean for my husband and kids). Crying because my husband would not be with me on our 10 year anniversary. Yes in the grand scheme of things this is not important, but my heart still hurt a little even though I WANT him to be with his dad right now. That is where he NEEDS to be. Then anger at myself for getting upset that he won’t be here. Who am I to get upset, even for just a moment, over him being gone. Then the cycle would start all over.

My mother in law did make me feel a little better, she said “I would be worried if you weren’t upset that he was not going to be there. Your heart hurting that he won’t be there, just shows to me how much you love my son.”  I never knew one could cry for 18 hours straight. I am still worried sick and I won’t know anything else until this evening when my husband gets to the hospital.  I really wish I were going with him, but we dont’ have the  money to try to fly 5 of us out there and driving would take too long.  I feel like I am making him go this alone and it’s killing me.  I am praying for God to work a miracle in his dad and to just hold my husband and comfort him as he walks through this. Life is such a fragile thing.

Please, if you think about it, say a prayer for my father in law, my husband and the rest of his family.

Newest update(as of 7:30 pm 2/12/13):

They did not have to crack open his chest as said in the previous update Brent misunderstood but everything else was correct the two arrests, stints, balloons, blockage.

As of last time I talked to my husband he had visited him and he said he was doing great all things considered. He was awake but still intubated so he can’t talk but he is writing to “talk”. The procedure they called  about at 3:30 in the morning was b/c his heart was only pumping 2L of blood (it should be 5L), so if it didn’t get better they were going to have to do some procedure but it is pumping close to 5L and each blood test is coming back better. They think he will make a full recovery without any other surgeries. They are going to watch him probably through the weekend and then may either go home or to a rehabilitation center as long as he continues to strengthen.
Next update will come as I get it.

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Hi! I'm Toni. I am a happily married, christian, momma of 3 living on Florida's sunny Gulf Coast. I am a lifestyle blogger and Seint Arist. I started blogging when my last child was born as a way to share my love of all things travel, cooking, beauty, recipes, and more. Now pull up a chair, grab a glass of sweet tea and let's get to know each other. I truly hope you enjoy getting A Daily Dose of Toni!


  1. 1

    I hate to hear this, Toni! Your f-i-l, and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. 2

    I’m so sorry, Toni. This is such a horrible thing to happen. I will be sending your father in law – and your entire family – big hugs and well wishes. Miracles happen – just remember that!

  3. 3

    I really hope this all turns out OK. My dad had a heart attack and ended up just fine. I pray this is the same for you FIL.

  4. 4

    I’ve been praying since you started posting about it on Facebook. 🙁

  5. 5

    I have been praying, sweet friend and I’m thinking of all of you.

  6. 6

    🙁 *hugs* I’m so so sorry Toni

  7. 7

    So sorry for your whole family and pray he’ll be on the mend soon. Yet, with the heart it does take quit a while. My Dad had a few heart attacks and the first when he was 50. My brother had one a couple years back too. My Grandmother (my father’s mother) died in her 30’s from a series of them that she had in a few years span. So, I hear you about being worried about the family link. Will pray your husband does not have inherited tendencies towards such. Don’t beat yourself up over your emotions right now, they are sure to be jumping all around.

  8. 8

    I am so sorry. Your family is absolutely in my thoughts <3

  9. 9

    Praying, Toni. My dad is 53 himself so I can’t imagine.

  10. 10

    Toni, sending prayers and thanks for updating. My thoughts are with your family.

  11. 11

    I will keep your family in my prayers.

  12. 12

    I’m so sorry…

  13. 13

    Sending healing thoughts and love to you and your family. Don’t think about the future right now, just try to take things one small moment at a time.

  14. 14

    I’m so sorry. I’m glad to hear he is doing better.

  15. 15

    I am so sorry Toni! This is such a scary thing that you and your family are having to go through. I will keep praying.

  16. 16

    Oh gosh I’m so sorry. I hope that he recovers fast. Your family is in my thoughts.

  17. 17

    What an ordeal! I really hope the best for you husband’s dad. It’s probably hard not being able to support your hub in person and the mixed emotions but you’re doing the best you can under these circumstances. Thank you for sharing such a private part of yourself here.

  18. 18

    I’m so sorry you guys are going through this. I will be praying for your FIL and your family. <3<3<3 I love you!

  19. 19

    Hugs girl. I’m so sorry for you and your family. I hope everything turns out ok.

  20. 20

    Praying for your hubs’s father!! So scary!

  21. 21

    Still praying for your family Toni.

  22. 22

    Toni you guys are in my thoughts and prayers 🙁 I keep watching for updates on FB.

  23. 23

    so sorry. hope everything turned out ok.

  24. 24

    Keeping your family in my prayers. (((HUGS)))