Friendship Talk: Are They All Forever Or Do They Expire?

In life you think those friends you have will be there forever, no one ever tells you growing up that the people you were friends with in elementary might become the popular crowd in middle school or vice versa you become popular and forget some of your elementary school friends exist.  Middle school brings a little more competition between friends and the cruelty begins.  Then comes high school and that’s a whole other ball game.

High school is the beginning of “grouping”.  You have your nerds, jocks, band group, drama group, goth, preps, I could go on forever.  It’s not just popular and unpopular anymore but the main groups have sub-grouped.  Regardless of the groups you have your friends that you know are gonna be there long after high school.

I sat pondering wondering how many high school friendships actually stay after high school.  I can say with certainty that there are a few of my friends who to this day I am still close to.  Some I expected to be that way and some were a nice surprise. And then I have my best friends who are still my best friends.  Then I turn around and see a friendship that I thought would be there til the day I die, dying itself.

You have friends that maybe you don’t share every little thing with but you have a blast with and you know you will always be able to be yourself around them. You laugh and carry on just have a good time with them.  Luckily I have quite a few of those people and I thank God for them everyday, I think I would be committed without them.

Then you have friends who you share every detail of your life with.  Your joy, your pain, your thoughts.  No matter what it may be you can bear your soul to them without them turning on you (just don’t trust the wrong person in this scenario, trust me that will come back to bite you).  They are the ones who hold your hand when you need support, make you laugh when you are pissed at the world (or threaten to just go take out the world), who just sit and let you cry if that’s what you need.  Heck they will even clean you up when you have gotten sick from too much drinking on your senior class trip. *SHH I didn’t say that outloud*

Those are the friends that will be there forever, no matter how much distance is between you they are always just a phone call away.  No matter how much time has passed when you see each other it’s like yesterday.  You pick right up where you left off and everything is just how it should be.  But what if it isn’t like that and you just thought it was?

What if your one of your best friends isn’t who you thought they were?  What if the person they are now is not the person they were then?  What if that friendship dies, the one you thought would be there forever?  That’s a blow like nothing else I can promise you. I have dealt with heartache like I thought I would never have to deal with in love, but the pain you feel over a friendship falling apart, one of your best friends, is a whole new hurt.

I have been burned by friends before, you know the ones you thought you could trust but then find out you can’t.  Yeah I know you all know someone like that.  Well that I can get pissed off about, get over, and move on.  Those kind of friends are nothing in the end, they are miserable people, they are not a loss to me.

But what if it was someone you were so close to, closer than anyone?  Someone who you told everything to, they listened to your woes and joys.  In return you listen to their hurts, anger or joy. When you lose that friendship it’s like a knife to the heart.  It’s a hurt almost unbearable. Hearing or seeing that they are not the person you remember from long ago makes you wonder, was I not letting myself see them change because I had “who they were to me then” engrained in my head.

I am thankful for the few friends I have from way back when that haven’t changed in the slightest, well maybe added a few kids but you get my drift. I am so thankful for my best friends who are still the same and I can still tell my deepest, darkest, secrets to without worry of them judging or telling others.  But I will miss that friend who was.  The one I laughed with, cried with, sometimes just sat in silence with knowing it was okay.  I don’t know what changed along the way, maybe it was me, maybe it was them or a combination of both.  Things change, people change, life changes and frankly sometimes that sucks.

I do know that I want to teach my kids to be diligent in choosing friends, you will find the “right now” friends who are fun but you don’t want to put all your cards on the table with them.  You will have your long term friendships that will always be there and pickup right where you left off.  Finally you will have that one (or in my case a couple) best friends, the ones who know everything about you and love you anyways.  Friendship isn’t always an easy thing but it’s so rewarding when you find real friends.  I wish I could protect them from the hurt I know they will experience but I want them to know that while some friendships are just for the “right now” they are making ones that will last a lifetime as well.   They are going to have to weed through some thorns to find the roses but when they do it will be the most beautiful friendship(s) of all.

A big thank you to my friends who are who they are, without them I would not be who I am.  And to my best friends (you know who you are), without you guys I would be miserable and an emotional mess ready to explode.  With all of you I have laughed, cried, gotten in trouble I am sure and shared memories that will be forever.  I can’t wait to see the memories life has planned for us, they will interesting that much I know.   I know that no matter how much time passes the real friendships I have will flourish rather than die.  They will grow as I grow.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.  ~Elisabeth Foley

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Hi! I'm Toni. I am a happily married, christian, momma of 3 living on Florida's sunny Gulf Coast. I am a lifestyle blogger and Seint Arist. I started blogging when my last child was born as a way to share my love of all things travel, cooking, beauty, recipes, and more. Now pull up a chair, grab a glass of sweet tea and let's get to know each other. I truly hope you enjoy getting A Daily Dose of Toni!


  1. 1

    I’ve been through that and it really does hurt. First, when I got married and started having kids, my two best friends (friends since we were 13) in the world started to distance themselves. 10 years post marriage & kids, and we rarely talk.. One is married and does not want children and the other is not married and does not want children or marriage. Both don’t understand my life as a mom (especially a SAHM). They don’t want to get together unless it’s just the girls. And when we do, I find my life is so vastly different than theirs that I don’t have much to talk about with them. It’s painful and I miss them something awful.

  2. 2

    Well said, Toni!

    I had a friend like you described, who suddenly dropped me like I was trash, for seemingly no reason and it literally broke my heart. I was crushed. It was almost like a death- only worse in the fact that I still had to see her weekly, and be reminded of the hurt, and hurt more intentionally by her, more and more.

  3. 3

    I’m an Air Force brat myself, and I think that experience is one that tends to mess with your perceptions of friendships. Constantly coming into situations where you are the outsider, finding a place for yourself, then being torn back out to start again somewhere else is something I found to be very difficult. I’m sure some people are temperamentally well-suited for it, but I’ve found it’s left me a very closed-off person. I love being in touch with old friends, and through Facebook I’ve found some dating back to kindergarten, but I always have a hard time making a first contact. I guess I’m always assuming that I’ll be bothering someone if I call, or that someone is spending time with me “to be nice,” which is how I often felt as a “new kid.” I am very jealous sometimes of my husband, who lived in one place his entire childhood and has had the same best friend since he was five.

  4. 4

    Awesome post Toni!!! And so very true!!! I love you my fellow iPhone addict!!! For without you by my side in that regard *I* would be considered obsessed!!! Now *We* can be considered obsessed!!! 😉

  5. 5

    I think some people do not truly know how to be friends, so they drift away. Some people I think come in to your life when you need them. Yes, they are your friends, and sometime the friendship ends, for no real reason and it hurts. But I think you have to take out of that relationship all the good things, and learn what it was that person was trying to teach you. So, I think some friendships do have expiration dates, and sometimes its for the best.

    But the friendships that stand the test of time, distance and differences are the most precious to me. People who can accept you, prop you up, support you and care about you…even pierce your balloon if you get too full of hot air (LOL) are the keepers and the ones who stay and make us stay, no matter what.

    Love ya Toni!

  6. 6

    Thanks for the post Tony. My girl friend of 10 years is exactly the situation that you just talked about. I must not have noticed the changes and our friendship disintegrated about a month ago. She started BLOGGING about all the very personal things going on in my life, and it honestly shocked and surprised me… all because I had asked her not to talk to me for a few days, while I was dealing with major, life-changing challenges. While it hurts, I have been finding I feel it freed up some energy for new people to come into my life. Have to say, I still miss her and think about her, and feel a bit sorry for her, as I know I was her true friend. What if she doesn’t have anyone anymore?

  7. 7

    Friendship is one of the most complicated things we ever have to do in life. Friends can be like family that we get to choose!!! I do think it is a normal part of life though for friendships to come, go, change, or even to realize that people aren’t who you thought they were. Sometimes things just bug us now that didn’t bug us then. I am always just grateful for the friends I do have in my life, and try not to dwell too much on the friendships I miss.

  8. 8

    Great blog!! You really have a talent for writing!I know I am thankful for our paths crossing again! GOD BLESS YOU!

  9. 9

    I think that it’s okay really. It’s sad when you realize a friend isn’t really a friend but it’s all part of life and learning. I really only talk to about 2 of my friends that were friends since elementary and middle school but even that can be difficult as our lives have all taken different paths and we’re all busy doing different things. I have realized lately that I need to invest more time into my friendships that I have now though. I think it’s just difficult to maintain relationships with friends once you have kids and you’re married and you move far away.