Welcome to Day 20 in the “30 Days About Me”. Today we are talking about something you wished you could forget. I’m going to get really raw, real and personal. A little uncomfortable writing this but hoping that the decisions I made can be used as a teaching tool to young women and men. I am sure I will seem very old fashioned at the end of this post LOL.
The one thing I can say I wish I could forget is when and where I lost my virginity. I was much too young, it was not romantic at all, it was in a tent in the guys backyard for goodness sakes. It wasn’t special. It lead to me feeling like I had to do that after or I would lose the guy I was “in love” with. Oh my how we throw around that word when we are young. I then thought that’s what I had to do when I “loved” someone.
I wish I would have had the convictions I do now and saved myself for marriage. I wish I had thought more of myself to know that was not love but rather lust, two very different things, that when you are following your hormones get easily confused. My mom did a wonderful job raising me and really pushed abstinence but I wanted “love” so I was willing to throw the things I was taught out the door. It wasn’t as if I took sex lightly, I always felt I was in love when I did go to that point in a relationship. This is why you can’t be lead by feelings alone!
What I didn’t know then that I realized much later in life was, I was searching to fill the void I felt from my real father not being in my life. I thought sex was love, how wrong I was. Now that I have my husband, who has shown me unconditional love, I think about what a dumb girl I was. If only I knew then how I feel about it now.
One thing I hope my kids always know is how much my husband and I love them so they don’t feel the need to go looking for “love” with someone else. I hope they think so much of themselves they want to hold onto the most special thing they can give their future husband/wife as a gift. It’s become so casual today even more than when I was growing up.
I want them to wait for that person they will spend the rest of their lives with so they are not giving a little piece of their heart away to anyone else. Because for me each time and each person that was not my husband, broke a little piece of heart. My husband came along to someone who was trying to mend the pieces. I am so lucky he came into my life and helped mend the pieces even when I am sure it wasn’t easy. I want them to have a whole heart to give to the one they will spend forever with. I want them to know it’s okay to stand up and say “I am not doing it just because everyone else is, when I get married I want to be able to give something to my spouse that’s so special to me, I saved it just for them”
Well now that I got a little personal in that post LOL, if you are joining in link up your day 20 post below and if you want to join in but don’t blog leave a comment sharing what your “something you’d like to forget” is.
Toni Patton
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That was so honest, and raw. Thank you for sharing.
Yeah as I was writing it I was cringing a bit but it’s my thoughts and feelings so I figured it couldn’t be any more real/raw than that 🙂
Thanks for sharing Toni. Tara and I were having a conversation about this topic yesterday (it is scary how young you have to start the dialogue these days).
I know I am thinking I need to start soon my oldest will be 12 but that seems so young to me.
There’s a HUGE difference between making love and having sex. When its the right thing- with that one person you know and its like you’ve never experienced before.
I get it Toni- I really do.
I love that you get me 🙂 and that we are quite alike in so many ways 🙂
Wow Toni that took some “guts!” I too can relate to that story almost exactly! Isn’t it crazy how if we could go back to that time in our lives we would not have made the same choices?! I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, but I did have morals, and of course saving yourself is always one of them. How stupid I thought my parents were and how old-fashioned I thought their thinking was. I would not have made that same decision nor the decisions that followed however many times. And like Alicia said in an above comment having sex and making love are so incredibly different, it was such a waste of time when it was just sex. Now how do we make sure our kids don’t make those same STUPID choices? Let me know if you ever find that answer 😉
I know it’s definitely a crazy thing. I will let you know if I find that answer if you promise to do the same 🙂 I just want them to not have the regrets I do and hope beyond hope they will not make the choices I sometimes did. Some choices I actually used my brains but I wish that had been more often LOL
Very honest blog Toni. I agree with you soo much in this post.
Funny how we gain wisdom we wish we would have had 🙂
Wow. That was so open and honest. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks 🙂 It was a bit difficult to write but you live and learn you know 🙂
I believe so many women can relate to your story. Thank you for the courage to tell your story… you may help many girls by sharing it.
Thank you, that’s my hope, to help others.
young girls are so vulnerable…your post landed softly in my heart (that sounds super cheesey, not meant to). thanks…i’m going to have my teenage girls read this. then they will know i’m not the only one preaching it ;]
Definitely not the only one, I just wish there were a way to get kids to understand before they make mistakes we did. They definitely are vulnerable and I hope beyond hope that I can reach my daughter through my lessons learned
Toni, wow…. that too was my story. I always wanted to put it in writing but I was to afraid to express myself. Thank you for sharing. I thank GOD for your blog.
Thank you Ana 🙂
Toni, I really admire you for writing such an honest and heart-felt post. I’ve talked to many friends who share the same sentiment. Hugs to you.
Thank you Lisa you are very kind!
Oh my goodness – what a big thing to share! Thank you! Thank heavens for growing up and evolving – so we can learn better, and do better! (That’s an Oprah/Maya Angelou saying – wish I could take credit for it!)